wah wah wah

In my old age, I've become paralyzed.

A mere three years ago, I moved to New York without a job, without an apartment, without any sort of real plan. Eight years ago, I moved to Texas -- a state where I knew nobody -- to subsist on an annual salary of $9000.

Now I find myself at a job where I don't use any skills, don't do any work, don't have any true satisfaction (think "Office Space" but less funny) -- and though I apply for other jobs, it seems I am just not following any sort of passion.

I think about returning to school but then am seized with fear from the financial burden I would undertake.

I am beginning to think, however, that it may be more emotionally costly to spend every day doing absolutely nothing. I can't chat online with my friends forever, nursing a hangover from the night before. These friends are moving forward with their careers. Meanwhile, I go out at night because I know that I have no responsibilities at work to tend to.

I am a fucking grown-up and I need to do something.