pivot: a.w.

What is your favorite word?
Belligerent. And Guantanamera. And yes.

What is your least favorite word?
Fart. And when people write "LOL" in emails.

What turns you on?
Confidence. Watching Deadwood.

What turns you off?
Mean-spirited humor at the expense of others. And bad teeth. And facial hair.

What is your favorite curse word?
Effing. And cocksucka.

What sound or noise do you love?
Laughter. And my "Final Countdown" ringtone.

What sound or noise do you hate?
THE EFFING ICE CREAM MAN CAN GO TO HELL. Who does he think he is? Sitting on my goddamn block for hours with that effing song blasting over and over? Fuck it.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
The oldest profession. Wait, maybe I already attempted that. I want to be a Professional Baby Namer. Pets too. Or I want to run the Jolie-Pitt Foundation or some other celebrity charity.

What profession would you not like to do?
Drive an ice cream truck. But I wouldn't mind driving a zamboni every now and then.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you
arrive at the Pearly Gates?
"Bloomingdale's to the right, orgies to the left."