okay, okay

So, here's the scoop. I know that someone from my office is reading my blog on a regular basis. (Yep! I know you're doing it!) I track this stuff, you see. However, I don't know who you are.

I know who it is not, but I know not who it is.

The truth: I am more likely to censor myself and/or not blog at all because of this, hence why I haven't written much of substance as of late.

So, hey. Listen. Tell me who you are and maybe I won't care what I write about and I'll happily continue to blog freely! Otherwise, maaaaaaan. I may have to move my blog to another undisclosed domain.

And that's that.

Oh, and by the way: Happy 29th to my bro.

so proud

I sort of cannot believe I haven't blogged the big news yet, but rest assured that it's only because I was terribly hurtin' yesterday after throwing an Obamarama Tuesday night.

He.

Actually.

Won.

I am so proud.

vote

i'll make it so that we don't have to

I don't blog anymore.

A lot of that has to do with things about which I refuse to blog.

I'll tell you one thing that is blog-worthy, however, and that is the amazing adventures of my new friends, Pan & James.



Another is the fact that Obama has this shit on lock and come next week, I'll be crying tears of joy.

Others: "Heaven" by Bryan Adams, taco-style salads from Sam's House on 48th Street, a Georgia defeat over Florida this upcoming Saturday, the fact that I haven't yet decided upon a Halloween costume, the fact that my mom turns 56 tomorrow, the fact that her mother died at the age of 57, the fact that I'm already thinking about Thanksgiving (though I know not where I'll spend it nor with whom), the fact that my brother is moving to the 90210 ZIP Code on Friday, my makeshift office on the F train (complete with Post-It note), wearing the Red Dress last Friday, and how I am running a race on November 16th.

Last but not least, I received this message from an individual on an old dating site that I haven't used in months:

"Whats wrong with you? You are so beautiful and you are on online dating. You must possess some defective personality trait --cuz youre gorgeous. Please excuse the word cuz. im' drinking tonite. its an honest letter. so-what's wrong with you? All chicks online dating are defective. (yes--your'e a chick) I'm not perfect either. Your pal, mike"

There. You'll all caught up. Sort of.

debatinggggggg

I'm watching this shit in HD and how the hell does Tom Brokaw have less wrinkles than I do?

OMG Obama is going to WIN WIN WIN.

McCain looks like a walking corpse.

Castellanos loves our guy tonight -- a Republican strategist! He loves Obama! I mean, he's a button masher, yes (hey hey Paul) but honestly. It's 9:32 PM and we're at 17+ blue and 8+ red. Not too shabby.

I only wish this was an Obama/Palin town hall meeting. Doggone it!

Why do people say that Obama doesn't excel in this forum? He's excelling! He's excellent! God above, if this man doesn't win on the 4th, I'm moving to Malta.

!!!

recommended

i'm easy

I watched this scene six times in a row tonight.

desperation is a tender trap

Your most marked characteristic? An unfortunate penchant for the dramatic.

The quality you most like in a man? Sense of humor.

The quality you most like in a woman? Sense of humor.

What is your principle defect? See my most marked characteristic.

What is your favorite occupation? Personal business on company time.

What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes? To live without love.

What would you like to be? Settled.

In what country would you like to live? I haven't fully explored my own, and thus it presently suits me fine. Ask me on November 5th.

What is your favorite color? Kelly green.

What is your favorite flower? Hydrangea.

What is your favorite bird? Swallow.

Who are your favorite prose writers? Gabriel Garcia Marquez, J.D. Salinger.

Who are your favoite poets? e.e. cummings, Edna St. Vincent Millay.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction? Ignatius J. Reilly.

Who are your favorite painters? Magritte, Munch, Kandinsky, Chagall.

What are your favorite names? Atticus, Judah, Holden, Stella, Bixby, Georgia.

What natural gift would you most like to possess? I should like to be proficient in creating visual art.

How would you like to die? Without fear.

What is your present state of mind? Planning for the worst; hoping for the best.

* * *

You know, sometimes on a Sunday evening, it's good to just take stock.

Things are fiiiiiiiiiiner than they've been. Big changes on the horizon. Possibly two weeks. Possibly four weeks.

The weekend was spent watching football (OMG DAWGS I CAN'T EVEN GET INTO IT), eating tarts, drinking red wine, talking by candlelight until 4AM, listening to Lindsey Buckingham, and other sappy sick sweet sillinesssssssssss.

When one is giddy and high and in The Fog, one tends to type out words and add superfluous letters, you see.

!!

Oh, lest you think I've lost myself, I also had Necessary Brunch with Scarny, hit the gym, did the dishes, avoided laundry, ate a hummus sandwich on Macdougal Street in the West Village, shopped for groceries, and talked to SM, and now I just must must must start "Nashville" if I'm going to return it tomorrow.

Swooooooooooon.

it's hard to believe

I know I should quit smoking. I'm here watching YouTubes of Tina as Sarah and waiting for the phone to ring. It'll ring eventually. Maybe in six months. Maybe in six minutes.

I can't tell you how I feel. It's nervousness and excitement and happiness and wonder and fear all wrapped up into one Bloody Mary.

(Scarny, you get me?)

I've painted my nails a garish shade of red and sloppily so.

I AM SO HAPPY I LIVE HERE.

shhhhhhhh

Football-filled weekend, what with my Southern-themed housewarming on Saturday and carafes of Bloodys at 200 Fifth on Sunday to watch the Giants slay the Rams. Fast forward to me sleeping on a rooftop in Sunset Park and taking a car home this morning at 6:30 AM. Lord, for how long can I keep up this pace? Thank you to those of you who made it out to Kensington to eat my pimento cheese sandwiches and biscuits with peach jam and pecan pie bars and to drink PBR. (Oh, and Justin, I still have a pot full of oil on my stove that you need to take care of.)

DFW is dead. I still need to finish "Infinite Jest".

familia

My mother confessed to me that when I was an infant, she left me in a hot locked car, windows rolled up, for thirty minutes.

"What? Why in the world would you do that?" I asked.

"Well, you were asleep and I had to run in to pay rent and then realized there was a long line and if I got out of line, I'd have to stand in line again, and I kept all the windows rolled up because I didn't want anyone to steal you and oh-my-God when I got out and back to the car, you were so red but still asleep and oh-my-God, I was so scared!"

I texted this to Scarny, to which he replied, "Explains it all!"

Over dinner, I was telling my parents that y'know, who knows? Maybe in a few years, if I haven't met a dude or whatever and I'm itching to have a baby, maybe I'll just have one and a friend or something will help me conceive and raise it or something?

I mean, you never know.

To this my stepfather replied, "CHILDREN NEED A FATHER AND A MOTHER WHO ARE HUSBAND AND WIFE -- NOT TWO 'GOOD FRIENDS'"

Explains it all!

pix pix pix

From the wedding! Here! Yay!

hammjamm

Okay, okay, so here's the update.

A) Had a great (fantastic! wonderful! lovely!) weekend in Georgia and North Carolina. Attended one of the best weddings ever. Pictures to follow. Wore a dress that I adore. Held that cute baby whose legs I wanted to gnaw on, due to their adorable chubbiness. Danced until I was soaked. Ate until I was stuffed. Drank until I was horizontal. Almost missed the plane with Scarny until we realized that not only were we at the wrong airline's ticket counter, but our flight didn't depart for another two hours. Scarny lost his bag, only to find it again. Ate waffles and grits and biscuits and drank Bloodys and wiiiiiiiine. Had to fly 1000 miles to meet a handful of folks who live five minutes away from me. Had to fly 1000 miles to see KM, whom I hadn't seen in two months. Did I mention I danced until I was soaked? Did I mention that coming back to NYC is always hard after a weekend down South?

B) My satellite dish has been held hostage by my super. This, because the original installer "threw away" the dish of my neighbor. Now I must somehow get their dish replaced before my super will give me back my own. Oh, and on top of that, my Internet is screwy. Oh, and on top of that, I have to return my old cable box to some drop-off office on Avenue H and where the fuck that is, I have no idea. It sounds far away.

C) Work is fine. Ho hum.

D) I must go to the gym (see A).

E) I think I shall leave town this weekend, as I am in need of a detox. As I told SM upon my departure, I need a vacation from my vacation.

F) I want to go to Montauk to go fishing with Justin and Paul and Josh.

G) I want to go on an African safari with Scarny (and we would entitle the episode "JBD and Scarny Go on a Safari")

H) If you didn't know: Still Flyin' fucking rules. They make me want to jam brews and be deliriously happy all the time.

cliched horoscope entry

"If you are in a relationship that is a struggle these days, it may be time for a reevaluation of its pros and cons. There are problems and benefits that you bring to one another, and you cannot make a definitive decision about whether or not to continue on your current path. For now, talking it over is wiser than taking direct action."

Thanks, Rick.

All I do is talk, though. Perhaps it's time for some direct action.

aural masochism

"In Your Eyes" -- Peter Gabriel
"Why Do They Leave" -- Ryan Adams
"Willing to Wait" -- Sebadoh
"Debonair" -- Afghan Whigs
"What a Fool Believes" -- Doobie Brothers
"Baby Come Back" -- Player
"Heaven" -- Bryan Adams
"Jolene" -- Dolly Parton
"The Lure Would Prove Too Much" -- Twilight Singers
"Kind Woman" -- Buffalo Springfield
"Purple Rain" -- Prince

try this

According to the training I (outsourced and) scheduled today for my staff, to help manage depression and anxiety, engage in the following behaviors:

Wake up and go to bed at roughly the same time every day.
Eat a small amount of protein before sleeping.
Use your bed for sleep only.
Reduce caffeine intake.
Eat three meals and three snacks per day.
Eat within a half hour of waking in the morning.
Reduce alcohol and nicotine intake.
Exercise 30 minutes/day most days of the week.
Implement a plan to work on an activity (or towards a goal) about which you are passionate.

"first of all, where did you sleep? give me the dirt."

It's been quite a week, my friends. I've been all tuckered out. I've realized, however, that I don't want this chaos to end and that, compatriots, is Problemo Numero Uno.

I am now a proud solo renter of a large 1 bedroom apartment in Kensington, Brooklyn. Last night, Paul, Justin, and Mindi came over and assembled my IKEA furniture. (Thank-you-thank-you-thank-you, because if I had done it all by myself, it would have been a fast track to sobbing in the corner, shaking my fist toward the sky.) We ate pizza from a local joint, drank cheap beer, hung out on my fire escape, and played Monopoly until 2:30 AM.

Now, look, even though I ended up giving away my ten properties toward the end, I'll just go out on a limb and say that I won the whole sha-bang, if only due to the sheer entertainment value.

Oh, and yes: a very happy birthday to Justin, who turned 30 at midnight.

battlez

Cassettes Won't Listen vs. Kanye West.

See more here.

the images go way beyond

I blog because I am tired of packing.

Truth be told, I have spent the last hour not packing, but rather going through a previously taped-up box of photographs spanning the last fifteen years. I had moved it into my apartment, never opened it, and stored it in the back of my closet. Tonight, when I should be closing up boxes, I instead sliced it open and got lost in Georgia and Texas memories galore: Scarny, KB, SM, KM, Amber Bear, J.Ro, Ice, Coke Bref, Sean, Mindy, Crogers, Crews, Dark, Psmee, Emma, Laura, Sonia, Allison, Lydia, Alex, Kevin, Amy, Stevie, Matt C, The Billings, Carly, Robbie, Bren, Dan, Coley, Chris-in-Texas, Caro, Z, chubby me, average-sized me, skinny-sad-break-up me... all in this box that I hadn't opened in nearly two years.

And now I must force myself to sleep so that I may arrive to work prior to when Miley-Cyrus-Hannah-Montana gets on the stage in Rock Plaza and all shit hits the fan and I can't reach my building.

We've been warned there will be a heavy police presence.

summer! brought to you by: mother nature

Paul + Justin + Porkchop + Colleen + Bro + Vedette + Chrissy + Tim + Thim + Mom + Jim + Coronas + Sam Adams Summer Ales + pina coladas + margaritas + pretzel chips + hummus + grilled pizza + burgers + hot dogs + salads + sunshine + pool floats + noodles + backyard tent + bugs + birds + Maggie-the-Long-Dog + swimming pool...



SUBURBAN SLUMBER PARTY!